As any parent knows, getting children to comply with requests is not always easy. When children will not do what they are told, parents may respond with a familiar phrase: “You have to the count of three to…” For most children, this phrase is enough to motivate action. Although counting to three is a good way to demonstrate the importance of an issue to children, for children with Asperger’s syndrome (AS), counting to three may actually cause more problems than it solves.
Children with AS may not be able to respond in three seconds. Many children with AS have processing difficulties and motor skill deficits. These issues may impact their ability to respond immediately to the request of the parent. If these deficits are present, placing such tight time restrictions on the child may only make the situation worse. Asking children with AS to comply with a request in three seconds simply may not be possible, as the processing and motor skill deficits may make it more difficult for them to respond in such a short timeframe.
It is unfortunate to state, however, that the three-second rule may create considerable stress and anxiety for your child, making his or her response less than desirable. Giving your child more time to respond will ensure that physiological issues related to their condition do not impede their ability to meet your expectations.
Stress placed on the child may be paralyzing. Asperger’s children placed under stress will respond in a myriad of ways. Counting to three may increase the child’s stress and make it even more difficult for them to respond. In addition, three seconds may create so much stress that the situation results in the onset of anxiety and over stimulation.
When anxiety and over stimulation occur, the child may simply not be able to recover. In this situation, an activity that was actually designed to make behavior more efficient may actually result in the development of adverse behaviors that are unintended and actually more difficult to address. Counting to three, therefore, can have significant implications on behavioral outcomes.
Children with AS may need to plan even the simplest of activities. Although a parent’s command may seem quite simple– “Get dressed for school” – the child with Asperger’s may need to plan how he or she will complete these tasks.
Allowing more time for the AS child to stop their activity and comply with a new request may be vital in order to ensure that action is taken. Extra time may also reduce stress and anxiety.
In terms of behavior, this will mean fewer meltdowns and more compliance with requests. Although the additional 27 seconds may seem like an eternity, this added time may make all of the difference when it comes to the child’s overall wellbeing.
Children with AS may become frustrated by their parent’s commands. Children with AS may have a valid reason for not complying with their parent’s request. In actuality, the child may be working on a reply that provides the parent with information about why the request has not been addressed.
By providing additional time for processing, the child may be able to formulate a response for the parent. In these instances, the ability to have these extra seconds may make all of the difference in the world, as the child will feel better about his or her response.
It is evident that children with Asperger’s may not be able to respond with a three count. The physiological and processing capabilities of these children are clearly different and warrant consideration to ensure that the situation is not escalated and that behavior is acceptable. Instead of counting to three, the parent should consider counting to 30. Counting to 30 provides the AS child with the ability to process the parent’s request and to transition from one activity to the one requested. In addition, AS children will then be able to communicate problems or issues with the request.
By counting to 30, parents are able to recognize that patience is an important component of helping children with Asperger’s syndrome grow and develop. Although giving a child to the count of 30 may be difficult in some situations, when parents stop and consider the challenges that AS children face in processing requests and engaging in response, the time is clearly appropriate.
Dr. Clatch practices at the Courage to Connect Therapeutic Center, 2400 Ravine Way, Suite 600, Glenview. For more info, call 847-347-5757 or visit couragetoconnecttherapy.com.
